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Why am I "purpleplotevent"? More importantly, how do I change this name? Yeesh.

That name gets assigned you automatically if you create a profile by scratch ( not through socials, in that case you get as username your social name )
If you want to change it just:
- go to your profile and edit it.
- go to your profile and link your steam account ( in that case you will get username and useravatar from your steam account )

Let me know if you succeded.

Awesome trader! We agreed on a 4x2 key trade, but one of them turned out to be already redeemed. I was OK with the resulting 3x2 deal, but Wandering Fruitcake made sure to provide me with a working key for the remaining game. Thanks!